It was the biggest out of all, standing there calling my name. So tall you could barely see the the top, but I was here, and I was ready. My heart pounded inside my chest as I aproched the rollar coaster excited about my new experiance. The railings leading up top were cold and hard and the steps kept going on forever. Once I reached the top I could see the long black coaster rolling in, making squeaky noises as it arrived. I grabbed the front seat, and held tight to my belt. It was rough, but kept me from danger. Then the rollar coaster started to move, going higher and higher. I could smell the fries and hamburgers below me, and the wind was hard against my face. Then suddenly, it felt as if I were flying, a free fall from high above. The breeze was cool against my skin and it made my hair go shooting in many directions. Before I knew it. the ride slowly came to a stop, and I back where I started.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
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3 comments:
Niki, you did a great job of describing how you felt and the descriptions of the setting. When I read your piece "Roller Coaster Ride" I read it with excitement. It wasn't a boring piece. You could also describe about how other people where doing. Like, describing about the things around you. Overall, your piece was awesome.
Niki,
This makes me think of my first experience on a roller coaster. I liked how you really showed you experience instead in just telling what was happening. Some of you sentences have great description words and similes. You have a couple of grammar mistakes which you could fix. You could have also descibed how you felt when the ride ended. Other than that, you did a great job! :)
Arushi
Niki, I liked your writing. it flows well. the on thing I might change, is that I would write more about coaster description. it is still awesome though. good job.
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